I am what you call a fantastic AFL player (football) . All those professionals need to take some lessons from me. If you’re not familiar with the game, it is where two teams (with 18 players each on the field at a time) have to try and score through the goals. The very middle goal is 6 points and the two beside it are 1 point. And to add on to that, there are loads of rules against contact (that loads of the umpires don’t play 🙄).
One contact rule is being pushed in the back. If a player is running forwards and is pushed from behind, free kick!! Mark whatever. So the trick is to run forwards towards a player and turn around quickly and go diagonal so when they reach for you, you are shoved in the back (or if your not that sporty, like me, you can just fully turn around and run at them backwards).
Another rule is around the neck. In football people basically put they’re arms around you to get the ball, all you have to do is duck a little and put your neck into the crook of their elbow and feign breathlessness. Bam! Another free kick. But if that is a little tough you could just hug them ‘back’ and give them a little peck on the cheek, surprising them. Either works.
So these were a couple of reasons why I should be a football pro and feel free to use them and teach them to others.
(if any professionals do stumble across my blog, I AM NOT SERIOUS, PLEASE DO NOT RUN INTO PEOPLE BACKWARDS)